We get stuck in dependencies. While we may think of the “what if” possibilities, we get stuck in the “if only” or “only if” limitations.

If only these things happen, then I could…

If only I had these things, then I could…

If only other people would do this, then I could…

From a mindset perspective, “if only” leaves a sliver of possibility. The door isn’t slammed shut, but there is a door constructed which we feel we have to go through to get where we want to go, to accomplish what we want to achieve.

What we have built is some event, envy, or people dependency in our thought process which we must overcome or go through before moving to the next step.

Believe it or not, there is something more troublesome than an “if only” mindset. It is “only if” one. If you start using “only if,” then someone or something has to open the door for you. It is no longer a dependency; it becomes an absolute requirement.

Only if I could do this, I can…

Only if you do this, I can…

Only if these events happen, I can…

In both cases, it is a trap we can easily fall into. We get stuck in a box of sorts.

The If Only, Only If Trap

We start feeling inadequate or, worse, incompetent in what we believe we should be doing. We may begin by second-guessing ourselves and then move directly into a straightjacket of requirements which freeze our actions. The transition for “if only” to “only if” is this subtle, yet dangerous, difference. Both are limiting; both have an element of fear. However, “only if” can be suffocating.

Ultimately, it is our decision on whether the if-onlys or only-ifs get us. It is our mind and actions which will advance whatever we want to do. Moving to a spirit-filled life means:

  • We must understand our core beliefs and use them to stay centered and confident.
  • We must develop a personal philosophy which inspires and motives us to continue trying and moving forward.
  • We must be willing to ask for help when we need it, learn whether we think we need to or not, and expand our mind to grasp the possibilities.
  • We must develop and work an action plan of practical activities to solve the “if only” dependency or the “only if” limitation.